Friday, November 6, 2009

cloudtrigger


I.

and the remains of a woman who yet died at her dawn
            thunderheads;                                      
thunderheads

with                      eyes

hissing buckshot, a handful of pupils
            rolling into each other, polished

she steps into the plain, barrel-ready:

the clouds are whetted and edged
                        just below the brow, early to temple, those cheekbones adrift

                                                stirred from the fen, there is flight

how can you not be seen by the growing night
                                                              that plucks the feathers from the sky

that hides on your plate shouldered up to the bone?
                                               
she sorrys like a gunshot,
tonguing the iris to remove the wounding

II.
                                                                       
sound out ‘incisor’
            storms are hiding in words, tempests tucking in cheeks,
see
            what is swallowed

she will push down

the low pressures, driving rain
                                    like mercury, the friction-

            less, cloud-eater.

Rat God
            spit zeus
                        choke on olympus
                                                give them their fire.

2 comments:

  1. Yo yo ok sorry I was too lazy to do this earlier, but have no fear sockhands I will post a real comment in regards to this revision soon. Thanks for setting this all up!

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  2. jeff -- i think "sound out incisor" is working a lot better as the beginning of this part two. and i also think that the ending of pt2 is working well. i forgot what the original ending was... but i am liking where the feeling is going with this version. i think especially "give them their fire" is an impact which is sort of necessary for this particular poem.
    a+

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