I.
and the remains of a woman who yet died at her dawn
thunderheads;
thunderheads
with eyes
hissing buckshot, a handful of pupils
rolling into each other, polished
she steps into the plain, barrel-ready:
the clouds are whetted and edged
just below the brow, early to temple, those cheekbones adrift
stirred from the fen, there is flight
how can you not be seen by the growing night
that plucks the feathers from the sky
that hides on your plate shouldered up to the bone?
she sorrys like a gunshot,
tonguing the iris to remove the wounding
II.
sound out ‘incisor’
storms are hiding in words, tempests tucking in cheeks,
see
what is swallowed
she will push down
the low pressures, driving rain
like mercury, the friction-
less, cloud-eater.
Rat God
spit zeus
choke on olympus
give them their fire.
Yo yo ok sorry I was too lazy to do this earlier, but have no fear sockhands I will post a real comment in regards to this revision soon. Thanks for setting this all up!
ReplyDeletejeff -- i think "sound out incisor" is working a lot better as the beginning of this part two. and i also think that the ending of pt2 is working well. i forgot what the original ending was... but i am liking where the feeling is going with this version. i think especially "give them their fire" is an impact which is sort of necessary for this particular poem.
ReplyDeletea+